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Post by Sabrina Everett on Jul 28, 2016 20:49:01 GMT -6
I also would not mind some feed back on my rp's. Oli is a new character for me and i'd love to get someone elses perspective on what they like and think could be improved upon. Do you want a brief run over of feedback for the devo Rp too? Cause I can do that, just no scoring system for the obvious reasons lol
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Post by Agents of Syd on Jul 29, 2016 1:22:36 GMT -6
The remaining for last week I'll get done tonight, I fucked my hand up pretty good so it's taking me a little longer to focus and type thanks to strapping and pain meds lol And Oli youll be first on the list for the next wave post show results Just how did you fuck up your hand. PS no worries, I can wait for my feedback, your health is the utmost importance
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Post by Renee Pleasant on Jul 29, 2016 21:19:24 GMT -6
lol ok so what is wrong is:
Fractured my thumb after dislocating that and my pinkie sprained my wrist and strained the connecting tendons tore a couple of tendons in my hand and sprained the joint that connects my pinkie to my hand
...I did it trying to aggressively high 5 AJ - we were fooling about and I slapped him and he put his hand up and I went to slap his hand, turned mine and basically crushed my hand and snapped my wrist back - I have fibromyalgia so my muscles and joints are weak anyway so it just wrecked my right hand... and i am right handed, so it's a struggle lol
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Post by Oliver Price on Jul 30, 2016 8:47:57 GMT -6
I also would not mind some feed back on my rp's. Oli is a new character for me and i'd love to get someone elses perspective on what they like and think could be improved upon. Do you want a brief run over of feedback for the devo Rp too? Cause I can do that, just no scoring system for the obvious reasons lol Yes ma'am... sorry didn't see this till just now. Not worried so much about the scoring system just trying to get a feel for what people thought of it.
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Post by Finn Whelan on Jul 30, 2016 17:28:21 GMT -6
If ya wanna give me feedback too, when your hand doesn't feel like death impending, I would be appreciative, lol. Finn is still a relatively new character to me, so any feedback I get is helpful.
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Post by Sabrina Everett on Jul 31, 2016 2:07:06 GMT -6
I am always up for constructive criticism. Good or bad and why help tons. Creativity: 4/5 Originality: 3/5 Characterization in Promo: 4/5 Promo/Trash Talk: 7/10. Characterization in Story: 4/5 Story: 6/10 Continuity: 5/5 Styling & Flow: 2/5 Alignment/Gimmick: 7/10 Feuds/Angles/Co-ordinations: 4/5 Effort/Personal Improvement: 5/5 Balance: 4/5 Research & Knowledge: 5/10 Believability: 4/5 Match Relevancy: 3/5 Enjoyability: 3/5 Total: 70/100 Notes: (Forgive any typos or typing errors, my hand still isn’t 100%) Again this was debut week and debuts are always really hard to do,personally, I know I hate them lol. The big thing I marked down on was construct and flow, this was for two reasons, firstly… Your coding was off in a few places, speaking parts not coloured, line breaks not being new paragraphs… Little things like that can really effect being immersed in a story; the other was lots of small spelling errors, slightly the wrong words was used, or a letter missed off here and there - again, these aren’t big things but they do affect the flow when reading. Your promo was a strong starter for me,you perhaps didn’t say a lot about your opponent, but you did show that you made eve3ry effort to do some research both about him, and possible future contenders as well -trash talk as a face can be difficult to pull off, without veering away from the gimmick - you achieved that pretty well imo. One thing that held strong throughout was the gimmick and alignment, at no point did I question the legitimacy of you being a face… That was well put together and though you were snarky in places, it was done with well thought out humor and I enjoyed it. Your story parts were a little flat for more, especially the part with Serenity, I’d like to see you expand on that more - work in more inflection from them both, really feed me that emotion - you did a nice job with the empathetic notes when talking to the ticket guy, but that was really missing from the Serenity stuff. Over all, this had a nice feel to it and I enjoyed it, my only real suggestion is to expand more on your story, give us more of the internal driving emotions in the pieces, but all in all, good debut.
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Post by Sabrina Everett on Aug 8, 2016 22:24:23 GMT -6
Now that my hand is FINALLY healed, I will get to all these today (For me...) thanks guys for your patience with it. if anyone wants feedback for the shows just gone, comment below and i'll get to as many as i can by end of the week
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Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 22:59:47 GMT -6
Sure! Hook me up!
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Post by Sabrina Everett on Aug 10, 2016 17:18:14 GMT -6
Jackson Stewart:
Creativity:3/5
Originality: 3/5
Characterization in Promo: 4/5
Promo/Trash Talk: 6/10.
Characterization in Story: 4/5
Story:4/10
Continuity: 5/5
Styling & Flow:3/5
Alignment/Gimmick: 6/10
Feuds/Angles/Co-ordinations: 4/5
Effort/Personal Improvement: 5/5
Balance: 2/5
Research & Knowledge: 5/10
Believability: 4/5
Match Relevancy: 3/5
Enjoyability:2/5
Total: 64/100
Notes: This all felt a little bit rushed to me, it almost came off as though you had no real grasp one where you were going with your story and just winged it, which can sometimes pay off, but on this occasion I feel like you sold yourself short.
The CD portion itself seemed to jump around and sort of rushed to it’s own conclusion, the idea was there and it was good, but it lacked real pacing and control of the reader, I felt like I was reading a script and there was no real development or definition of the character from the actual content of the CD work.
Going forward I would recommend that you have a very specific plot point to write towards as this is going to help you round the character out to a person and not just a 2D piece of writing, which what needs to happen for people to be invested in the story.
Characterisation for the most part was good, but you need to be careful because you came off as just outright rude in places… Which is the antithesis of positivity tbh - but overall I felt like the idea behind his gimmick was sold well, so kudos on that.
When it came to your promo work, this again felt rushed… Storm is a rich character and a quick couple of searches would have given you so much material to work with, instead it felt very… Standard, I suppose would be the right word, nothing bad but it really could have been shoot against anyone for the most part.
This all in all wasn’t a bad RP but it felt rushed, you need to work on taking time to let the work develop itself imho, that's where you can improve the most moving forward.
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Post by Sabrina Everett on Aug 10, 2016 17:33:47 GMT -6
Oliver:
Okay so obviously I can't use the scoring system for it because it’s a devo piece, but that being said…. I read it a few times before I could actually pick it apart lol.
When I talk about inflection and apathy, this is pretty much exactly what I am talking about, there is no pure definition in there, every single action has a controlled emotional inflection there so that the reader is feeling exactly what the character is feelings - that's the sign of excellent storytelling, making a debut devo piece feel like you’re reading a character you have know for a while.
I'll say the same I do to anyone that uses a accented dialect… It's going to be a bitch to keep up in promo work (I know this first hand) so I would decide now if that’s something you want to put the extra time in with - I hope you do because it really adds to the character as a whole and forces you to read the vocalised parts in an Irish accent lol - but going forward when you're doing competitive pieces I don't want to see you cutting trash work short just because keeping the accent going is a bitch.
It was nicely paced, throughout and controlled me as a reader, setting the pace of storytelling is really important you had that down pretty nicely here too, I look forward to seeing what you do with that going into competitive pieces.
Honestly, I could nitpick out really tiny little pieces and if you REALLY want me to, then I will, but I really struggled to find anything I didn't like, or felt was badly presented, or poorly written/paced/accented or whatever lol.
All in all this was pretty much a perfect example of a debut devo piece, it showed us just enough of the character and set your story going forward so… Nice job.
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Post by Sabrina Everett on Aug 18, 2016 18:59:29 GMT -6
Okay - I have my shit and my wifi sorted (touch wood) AT LAST so, if you want feedback for any Showdown RPs please try and get your request in before the Mayhem results go up; anyone who already asked will be getting theirs today (it's friday morning for me rn) / tomorrow - and then it'll go in order from there. I'll be able to stay on top of it more now lmao since I don't have broken wifi / broken hand anymore Also, when requesting; please lmk if you want the full grading or just general?
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Post by Dick Devereaux on Aug 18, 2016 23:41:59 GMT -6
So I put up my RP and it's not geeat as I really rushed to get it up. I'm gonna' do better and post earlier next week, but regardless of that I'd still like some feedback. I wrote it in about 15 minutes while cooking dinner lmao.
Be gentle on the POS RP lol.
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