Post by Justin Spirit on Aug 2, 2016 13:53:30 GMT -6
He sat with his hands around a bottle of Redds Apple Ale. The music pulsed behind him and the lights danced along the walls of the Nemesis club. He paid them no attention. His mind was on the past few weeks. How everything seemed to explode all at once. Justin knew he was on the cusp of something. He stood at the edge and yet, there seemed to be little fear of jumping off.
“So why’d you leave WCWF?”
Colette’s voice cut through the din like an angel’s voice from the clouds. He raised his cool blue eyes from the bottle.
“I had no choice. There was nothing there for me. I should have lead it from the start. Instead of taking a backseat like I always do. Now Kyra is a mess and barely holding it together, Zoey can’t keep her head on straight for more than five fucking minutes and just look at the mess the girl’s personal life is?”
Justin threw his muscled arm up in a grand gesture. It was all frustrating. Of course, he was no stranger to failure.
“So what good are they Colette? How can they even perform in the ring to even be lead? Sure, I could have picked up the ball and taken up leadership. But after all these years I know better. I know a trainwreck when I see one. So let them all bitch. Let them burn for all I care.”
Justin slugged back his beer, finishing the half of the bottle which remained in one, long gulp. He slapped it down onto the bar and nodded for Colette to give him another. She said nothing as she grabbed a new bottle and popped the top. Though she spoke as she set it down in front of him.
“Is that why you went to 4CW? Greener grass as they say?”
“Heh. I wish. I signed up and had my first match. Lost. But that’s because my head is in three different places at once. But it wasn’t the loss. The work required to perform there was going to conflict with my duties in ECWF. I simply couldn’t put in the time for both because of 4CW’s heavier workload.”
“So you quit?”
“Yeah I quit. Like I said, everything at once. I’m in the process of trimming it all down now. Getting things done that need to be done. Move my career in a new direction. Take care of my own personal life too.”
He sighed heavily and took a drink. Justin knew what he had to do. It pained him. He lost sleep over it. He never wants to hurt or disappoint anybody, he wants to make them happy…but he is only one man. Taking it all upon his shoulders is only going to crush him in the end. And besides, how long has it been since he’s been truly happy? Two years? Eight?
That great year of wrestling was only so great. He still came home to an empty bed. So where’s the meaning? He was taking a risk either way. Either path could end with destruction. Hopefully not of the selfish kind. But was the feeling of emptiness worth keeping everyone happy? No, it wasn’t.
“Is that why you joined Honor Wrestling?”
Justin finished half the bottle again before setting it down to answer.
“Yeah. The work load is lighter and will allow me to do both promotions. I’ve negotiated a mercenary contract with ECWF. So since yesterday, I’m no longer really part of the federation I gave my lifeblood to for a decade.”
It was not an easy decision, but one that had to be made. He didn’t want to fight a losing battle. He didn’t want to lose his soul in the process…he didn’t want to become Jason. At least not that part of his brother anyway. Colette watched him carefully. It was clear there was a lot hanging on the heart of Justin Spirit.
“What finally made you come to that decision?”
“Lacey Allen.”
Justin muttered as he went back to the beer that called to him. Finishing that one as well, he set it down. Justin took a moment to look over the dancing crowd of people below him. How happy they all seemed. Not a care in the world. Leaving their troubles behind for the promise of booze and sex. He knew that soon, he’d be able to feel carefree again. Alive again. He just has to kill the darkness around him.
“I was her friend Colette. I actually cared about her well being. I even apologized, right to her face for fucking up like I did and what did it get me?! Nothing. No words. Just jargon on Twitter. Hate-filled shit I don’t deserve. So let her have her kingdom, let her rule the castle. I don’t give a fuck anymore. It’s her federation, her title. That damn World title means nothing to me anymore. Why am I going to support something so she can reap the benefits? That federation lives and breathes around her. So I’m just giving them what they need. A part time superstar to bolster the mid-card.”
It was a painful decision. But when Justin sat down and really looked at ECWF, it was the better decision. He already spent his whole career up to this point in the ECWF. He won all the titles multiple times, became a Legend. Could he pad his accomplishments a little more? Sure. But the world is bigger than ECWF. It was time he take another step and further himself. And he wasn’t going to do it in Lacey Allen’s federation.
“I get paid either way.”
He grumbled again as Colette politely set another beer in front of him. Justin was hurt by Lacey’s actions. That was the catalyst. He knew well enough his defection to WCWF would put her off and he was a damn fool for thinking he could play both sides and still keep things straight. He vowed to himself that he’ll choose a path and stick to it, no matter who it may hurt in the process. Because as he is quickly finding out, the suffering is all on him.
“So you’ll still be there on Madness to face Genocide and Mia?”
“Yeah. And funny thing is, I’m in the same boat as my partner. Massey is just here for the money and kicks. And you know what else is funny? She is actually more successful in the other place she is in. As she put to me, Adored in one, hated in another. But she has a point. It’s all relative. In this day and age it is almost a mistake to just commit to one federation. A wrestler is limiting themselves and their exposure that way. Now I wouldn’t suggest that to someone just starting out. A rookie should stick with just one. Hone their skills, win a few titles, then maybe start to branch out.”
Justin couldn’t help but rattle on like the trainer he was. He’s taught so many in XWF. It’s a second passion. Whether its wrestling, cars, or surfing, he loves teaching others what he knows.
“But for someone like me? Who has already accomplished so much. This is the way to further my career. To be bigger than my brother ever was. Believe it or not, there are plenty of federations and even fans who have no idea who Jason Spirit is. Why not take advantage of that and show them who Justin Spirit is? Show them what only the fans of ECWF once knew?”
“I can see the logic in that.”
Colette nodded. Justin rubbed at his forehead. He felt his mind getting clearer despite the alcohol now flowing through him. The war between his heart and his mind was a fierce one. And this time, it’s his heart that was winning out. Mainly because it can’t take anymore.
“But what about your match? I mean, you and Josh have plenty of animosity towards each other.”
“Oh yeah, sure. It’s all been done before though. That’s also my point Colette. I’m constantly fighting the same seven people every two weeks. How is that going to keep fans interested? Sure, bashing Josh’s head against the announcer’s table for the millionth time still feels as nice as the first time, but its lost its effect. So who cares? I’ll get a bigger pop kicking Mia in the head than I will cracking a chair over Elliot’s back.”
“Well Mia is definitely new competition. You guys have only faced off a couple times. Oddly only in tag matches or matches where there’s other people.”
Justin chugged his beer as Colette made mention of Josh’s tag partner. He set it down with a satisfied sigh and wiped the excess off his chin with the heel of his hand.
“Right. Maybe I should just knock Massey out and Mia kick Josh in the nuts and just her and I go at it? Maybe send a message to Lacey by putting her wife in the Spirit Edge for a bit too long.”
Colette said nothing. Merely looked at Justin as he continued on his beer. The man she knew before never said something like that. He never inflicted harm to harm someone else. It was like watching Superman walk into the bar in the third movie and down a pint of hard liquor while scowling at everyone.
“It’s just all so fucking pointless.”
He chuckled and shrugged. Perhaps the beer was getting to him. Fruity flavor or not, it was till harder than the wine coolers he used to drink. Colette would be worried if he asked for a scotch or gin straight up. She decided to try a change of subject.
“So have you and Bradley gone out recently?”
Justin’s demeanor changed on a dime. Though it wasn’t in the way Colette expected. He finished off his beer and set it down. Was this his third? Fourth? He lost count. A long moment of silence came next. When Justin finally did speak, it was a much more solemn tone.
“It’s been awhile. Can’t quite remember the last date…oh yeah…a movie. After that I been criss-crossing the country. Been searching. Finding myself.”
His words were slow, stilted. Like a man who has found the answers he didn’t expect and had trouble looking at himself in the mirror in the morning. Colette grew concerned and cautiously asked…
“So what…does that mean exactly?”
Justin glanced away. Those cool blue eyes narrowed. He was angry with himself. When he looked back at Colette, the anger replaced itself with a sense of acceptance.
“I’ve been seeing other girls. Your sister, and two others. Now as much of a shit I feel for doing it, I’m now putting an end to my stupidity. Although I will say, it took me completely off guard when your sister made out with me out of nowhere. I didn’t know what to think. And I had already started dating around with these other two girls right at the same time. Nothing official. But anyway, I didn’t know why she did it. So I kissed her back. Part of me was afraid this was some game. That is what happened to Jason and Sam and I wasn’t about to go down like that.”
Colette listened in shock as he went on. She was used to people baring their souls to her, but this was Justin and he was involved with her sister.
“But we starting dating. And I let one of the other girls go. And you know why? This is the funny part. All that girl wanted from me was sex. Hilarious right? That’s usually the guy’s role. So then there was two. I tried to get to the bottom of what your sister wanted because I’m still confused to this day. But her lack of response really made me feel like I was dumb to even ask. And she’s probably right. Bradley kept telling me back in 2014 to follow my heart. Even mentioned that in the past month. Well I listened to her. I value your sister’s advice. Hell, she is half the reason for the change in me. I’ve always valued her friendship.”
Justin trailed off again and glanced away. He saw her as a friend. He was so happy for her and Nate even though he could barely stand the guy. Then her marriage didn’t happen, the fallout was bad. So how did he know he wasn’t just some rebound? He’s been there. He’s been divorced for eight years now. It’s a pain that never goes away. At least when you’re drifting along alone. So should he just go with her to make her feel better? To what end is that? When Justin really sat there and looked at it. Listened to what his heart was telling him…
“I can’t hurt her anymore than she has been hurt.”
He finally added. Colette raised a brow, not liking the sound of this.
“What do you mean?”
“I see her as a friend.”
His mind screamed at him. His heart held strong however. It wasn’t easy being at war with yourself, especially in both love and work.
“I just need to tell her that.”
“Well it looks like now’s your chance.”
At that Colette backed away to tend to other customers. Justin closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them and turned around in his seat. Bradley came up and sat in the stool next to him. Justin managed a smile. She gave one back. He started to speak first. The silence was killing him.
“Glad you’re here. I have something I have to tell you.”
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t look easy to say.”
If she only knew. Maybe she did. Justin continued.
“Last time we talked I asked you what was probably a dumb question. And I now understand why you didn’t have an answer. Because this is something that probably shouldn’t be questioned if you feel a certain way.”
Bradley watched him carefully. Justin gathered his thoughts and did the best he could. He had to let it all out. Let it all be known.
"Okay look, you know I've been hanging out with a lot of girls lately. And all of this was unintentional. You are my friend. We have been good friends and I cannot go into a relationship with you when my heart is not in it. I don't want to hurt you Bradley. And I don't want to destroy a friendship because I cannot commit to a relationship."
He felt like he was admitting a failure when in truth he was following his heart. He will always care about his friends. Back them up when they need him. But he knew he couldn’t hurt her like this. Not after the heartbreak she just recently endured. Stringing this along would only do further damage down the road.
“I’m sorry.”
It was all he could add. Justin got up from his seat and walked away. His head hung low on his shoulders. He didn’t feel good about this. Truth is hardly ever easy to accept. There would be some kind of fallout from this he was sure. Yet like every other decision in his life there will be consequences. Justin was ready to face them.
“So why’d you leave WCWF?”
Colette’s voice cut through the din like an angel’s voice from the clouds. He raised his cool blue eyes from the bottle.
“I had no choice. There was nothing there for me. I should have lead it from the start. Instead of taking a backseat like I always do. Now Kyra is a mess and barely holding it together, Zoey can’t keep her head on straight for more than five fucking minutes and just look at the mess the girl’s personal life is?”
Justin threw his muscled arm up in a grand gesture. It was all frustrating. Of course, he was no stranger to failure.
“So what good are they Colette? How can they even perform in the ring to even be lead? Sure, I could have picked up the ball and taken up leadership. But after all these years I know better. I know a trainwreck when I see one. So let them all bitch. Let them burn for all I care.”
Justin slugged back his beer, finishing the half of the bottle which remained in one, long gulp. He slapped it down onto the bar and nodded for Colette to give him another. She said nothing as she grabbed a new bottle and popped the top. Though she spoke as she set it down in front of him.
“Is that why you went to 4CW? Greener grass as they say?”
“Heh. I wish. I signed up and had my first match. Lost. But that’s because my head is in three different places at once. But it wasn’t the loss. The work required to perform there was going to conflict with my duties in ECWF. I simply couldn’t put in the time for both because of 4CW’s heavier workload.”
“So you quit?”
“Yeah I quit. Like I said, everything at once. I’m in the process of trimming it all down now. Getting things done that need to be done. Move my career in a new direction. Take care of my own personal life too.”
He sighed heavily and took a drink. Justin knew what he had to do. It pained him. He lost sleep over it. He never wants to hurt or disappoint anybody, he wants to make them happy…but he is only one man. Taking it all upon his shoulders is only going to crush him in the end. And besides, how long has it been since he’s been truly happy? Two years? Eight?
That great year of wrestling was only so great. He still came home to an empty bed. So where’s the meaning? He was taking a risk either way. Either path could end with destruction. Hopefully not of the selfish kind. But was the feeling of emptiness worth keeping everyone happy? No, it wasn’t.
“Is that why you joined Honor Wrestling?”
Justin finished half the bottle again before setting it down to answer.
“Yeah. The work load is lighter and will allow me to do both promotions. I’ve negotiated a mercenary contract with ECWF. So since yesterday, I’m no longer really part of the federation I gave my lifeblood to for a decade.”
It was not an easy decision, but one that had to be made. He didn’t want to fight a losing battle. He didn’t want to lose his soul in the process…he didn’t want to become Jason. At least not that part of his brother anyway. Colette watched him carefully. It was clear there was a lot hanging on the heart of Justin Spirit.
“What finally made you come to that decision?”
“Lacey Allen.”
Justin muttered as he went back to the beer that called to him. Finishing that one as well, he set it down. Justin took a moment to look over the dancing crowd of people below him. How happy they all seemed. Not a care in the world. Leaving their troubles behind for the promise of booze and sex. He knew that soon, he’d be able to feel carefree again. Alive again. He just has to kill the darkness around him.
“I was her friend Colette. I actually cared about her well being. I even apologized, right to her face for fucking up like I did and what did it get me?! Nothing. No words. Just jargon on Twitter. Hate-filled shit I don’t deserve. So let her have her kingdom, let her rule the castle. I don’t give a fuck anymore. It’s her federation, her title. That damn World title means nothing to me anymore. Why am I going to support something so she can reap the benefits? That federation lives and breathes around her. So I’m just giving them what they need. A part time superstar to bolster the mid-card.”
It was a painful decision. But when Justin sat down and really looked at ECWF, it was the better decision. He already spent his whole career up to this point in the ECWF. He won all the titles multiple times, became a Legend. Could he pad his accomplishments a little more? Sure. But the world is bigger than ECWF. It was time he take another step and further himself. And he wasn’t going to do it in Lacey Allen’s federation.
“I get paid either way.”
He grumbled again as Colette politely set another beer in front of him. Justin was hurt by Lacey’s actions. That was the catalyst. He knew well enough his defection to WCWF would put her off and he was a damn fool for thinking he could play both sides and still keep things straight. He vowed to himself that he’ll choose a path and stick to it, no matter who it may hurt in the process. Because as he is quickly finding out, the suffering is all on him.
“So you’ll still be there on Madness to face Genocide and Mia?”
“Yeah. And funny thing is, I’m in the same boat as my partner. Massey is just here for the money and kicks. And you know what else is funny? She is actually more successful in the other place she is in. As she put to me, Adored in one, hated in another. But she has a point. It’s all relative. In this day and age it is almost a mistake to just commit to one federation. A wrestler is limiting themselves and their exposure that way. Now I wouldn’t suggest that to someone just starting out. A rookie should stick with just one. Hone their skills, win a few titles, then maybe start to branch out.”
Justin couldn’t help but rattle on like the trainer he was. He’s taught so many in XWF. It’s a second passion. Whether its wrestling, cars, or surfing, he loves teaching others what he knows.
“But for someone like me? Who has already accomplished so much. This is the way to further my career. To be bigger than my brother ever was. Believe it or not, there are plenty of federations and even fans who have no idea who Jason Spirit is. Why not take advantage of that and show them who Justin Spirit is? Show them what only the fans of ECWF once knew?”
“I can see the logic in that.”
Colette nodded. Justin rubbed at his forehead. He felt his mind getting clearer despite the alcohol now flowing through him. The war between his heart and his mind was a fierce one. And this time, it’s his heart that was winning out. Mainly because it can’t take anymore.
“But what about your match? I mean, you and Josh have plenty of animosity towards each other.”
“Oh yeah, sure. It’s all been done before though. That’s also my point Colette. I’m constantly fighting the same seven people every two weeks. How is that going to keep fans interested? Sure, bashing Josh’s head against the announcer’s table for the millionth time still feels as nice as the first time, but its lost its effect. So who cares? I’ll get a bigger pop kicking Mia in the head than I will cracking a chair over Elliot’s back.”
“Well Mia is definitely new competition. You guys have only faced off a couple times. Oddly only in tag matches or matches where there’s other people.”
Justin chugged his beer as Colette made mention of Josh’s tag partner. He set it down with a satisfied sigh and wiped the excess off his chin with the heel of his hand.
“Right. Maybe I should just knock Massey out and Mia kick Josh in the nuts and just her and I go at it? Maybe send a message to Lacey by putting her wife in the Spirit Edge for a bit too long.”
Colette said nothing. Merely looked at Justin as he continued on his beer. The man she knew before never said something like that. He never inflicted harm to harm someone else. It was like watching Superman walk into the bar in the third movie and down a pint of hard liquor while scowling at everyone.
“It’s just all so fucking pointless.”
He chuckled and shrugged. Perhaps the beer was getting to him. Fruity flavor or not, it was till harder than the wine coolers he used to drink. Colette would be worried if he asked for a scotch or gin straight up. She decided to try a change of subject.
“So have you and Bradley gone out recently?”
Justin’s demeanor changed on a dime. Though it wasn’t in the way Colette expected. He finished off his beer and set it down. Was this his third? Fourth? He lost count. A long moment of silence came next. When Justin finally did speak, it was a much more solemn tone.
“It’s been awhile. Can’t quite remember the last date…oh yeah…a movie. After that I been criss-crossing the country. Been searching. Finding myself.”
His words were slow, stilted. Like a man who has found the answers he didn’t expect and had trouble looking at himself in the mirror in the morning. Colette grew concerned and cautiously asked…
“So what…does that mean exactly?”
Justin glanced away. Those cool blue eyes narrowed. He was angry with himself. When he looked back at Colette, the anger replaced itself with a sense of acceptance.
“I’ve been seeing other girls. Your sister, and two others. Now as much of a shit I feel for doing it, I’m now putting an end to my stupidity. Although I will say, it took me completely off guard when your sister made out with me out of nowhere. I didn’t know what to think. And I had already started dating around with these other two girls right at the same time. Nothing official. But anyway, I didn’t know why she did it. So I kissed her back. Part of me was afraid this was some game. That is what happened to Jason and Sam and I wasn’t about to go down like that.”
Colette listened in shock as he went on. She was used to people baring their souls to her, but this was Justin and he was involved with her sister.
“But we starting dating. And I let one of the other girls go. And you know why? This is the funny part. All that girl wanted from me was sex. Hilarious right? That’s usually the guy’s role. So then there was two. I tried to get to the bottom of what your sister wanted because I’m still confused to this day. But her lack of response really made me feel like I was dumb to even ask. And she’s probably right. Bradley kept telling me back in 2014 to follow my heart. Even mentioned that in the past month. Well I listened to her. I value your sister’s advice. Hell, she is half the reason for the change in me. I’ve always valued her friendship.”
Justin trailed off again and glanced away. He saw her as a friend. He was so happy for her and Nate even though he could barely stand the guy. Then her marriage didn’t happen, the fallout was bad. So how did he know he wasn’t just some rebound? He’s been there. He’s been divorced for eight years now. It’s a pain that never goes away. At least when you’re drifting along alone. So should he just go with her to make her feel better? To what end is that? When Justin really sat there and looked at it. Listened to what his heart was telling him…
“I can’t hurt her anymore than she has been hurt.”
He finally added. Colette raised a brow, not liking the sound of this.
“What do you mean?”
“I see her as a friend.”
His mind screamed at him. His heart held strong however. It wasn’t easy being at war with yourself, especially in both love and work.
“I just need to tell her that.”
“Well it looks like now’s your chance.”
At that Colette backed away to tend to other customers. Justin closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them and turned around in his seat. Bradley came up and sat in the stool next to him. Justin managed a smile. She gave one back. He started to speak first. The silence was killing him.
“Glad you’re here. I have something I have to tell you.”
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t look easy to say.”
If she only knew. Maybe she did. Justin continued.
“Last time we talked I asked you what was probably a dumb question. And I now understand why you didn’t have an answer. Because this is something that probably shouldn’t be questioned if you feel a certain way.”
Bradley watched him carefully. Justin gathered his thoughts and did the best he could. He had to let it all out. Let it all be known.
"Okay look, you know I've been hanging out with a lot of girls lately. And all of this was unintentional. You are my friend. We have been good friends and I cannot go into a relationship with you when my heart is not in it. I don't want to hurt you Bradley. And I don't want to destroy a friendship because I cannot commit to a relationship."
He felt like he was admitting a failure when in truth he was following his heart. He will always care about his friends. Back them up when they need him. But he knew he couldn’t hurt her like this. Not after the heartbreak she just recently endured. Stringing this along would only do further damage down the road.
“I’m sorry.”
It was all he could add. Justin got up from his seat and walked away. His head hung low on his shoulders. He didn’t feel good about this. Truth is hardly ever easy to accept. There would be some kind of fallout from this he was sure. Yet like every other decision in his life there will be consequences. Justin was ready to face them.