Post by Lizzie on Sept 19, 2016 7:25:27 GMT -6
These are all Lizzie's private thoughts, entirely off camera. Something of a different approach for me, and it may be odd to RP as a non-competitive character, but I wanted to write up some of the recent goings on in her life, lol.
Friday 16th September
So it's been a while since I just sat down and really....wrote down how I felt about things. But today I feel decisively shitty, and I guess I hope that writing things down will somehow help. I'm so stupid. I've made so many mistakes, fucked so much stuff up..I just need a release.
So...where to start? Well, that interview with Ana has caused me no end of trouble. Actually, just showing any sign that I'm friendly with Alex seems to have been the catalyst for her disdain toward me. I guess it's not surprising that she doesn't believe me when I say I've never even seen him outside of a show. I've certainly never slept with him. Shit, I'm not shy about that stuff. I could list everyone she knows that I have slept with, but...I guess that wouldn't help my case.
Ironically, the interview itself then pissed Alex off. So that's nice. He says I buried him by not asking relevant questions. I guess he thought I'd interview Ana about him? I dunno.
Chris Night, too, got pissed. I think he's confusing me talking about the #1 draft pick being an outsider for me talking about him specifically. I've never doubted him, I know it's not his fault he got picked first. I talked to him a little about it. I still don't think it's right, but whatever. Ana made it clear how little my opinion meant, so it's not like what I think matters.
But it's not like that lessens how good Chris is. He's an amazing signing... I guess it's just another friendship I need to repair. This is becoming a habit this week. Speaking of friendships, Chris' girl, Mikayla, hardly made any effort to stick up for me either. She's meant to be my BFF...kinda doubting that right now. I saw my brother going at it with her, but decided not to step in.
Speaking of Ana..fuck, she's a condescending bitch. From the second she waltzed through the door, nose in the air like her shit doesn't stink, I knew it was going to be just a bad day. Worse, she acted like the interview was my idea or something. I thought it was her idea! Pretty sure Sienna set it up - and as for why, I have no idea. I didn't do my research? I had literally three hours to get to the fucking meet, set up and be ready for her.
And don't get me wrong, I know Ana's had a crappy week. That's not my fault though, and acting like I am something she stepped in is hardly the way to garner any level of sympathy.
Don't think she appreciated me pushing my points at times, either. Not from how she glared at me. Or maybe that's just how she is? I don't know. Either way it was uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll never have to sit near her ever again.
And hopefully the stupid Twitter shit will go away. I wish Alyssa or Kara would defend me more when people are treating me like shit. I guess they at least console me, but that doesn't stop it.
I just feel so boxed in right now. Taking crap on all sides, and why? All I've done is my job, not my fault people don't like what I ask. Shit, I don't even pick half my questions, the fans do. Not that anyone cares to ever understand that...
Sunday 18th September
Well, what a weekend. It all started with Chris Air's girl, Andi, asking his sister, Kara, Alyssa and myself out for a girl's night. We arrived at the club, and almost immediately lost Kara into the crowd. I knew I wasn't in the mood to be there, but I hoped that it would be better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
I remember ordering a few shots, then looking down and I was already several in. Alyssa asked me how many I'd had, and I lied...said I didn't know. I knew. She and Andi joined me for a couple, then dragged me off to dance. And I danced. I wasn't feeling it, but I faked it anyway. I soon returned to the bar though.
I get fuzzy from there. I remember Alyssa trying to get me to smile, and I just couldn't. She tried to hug me, but I shrugged it off. I remember feeling angry, but I can't remember why. Apparently I was pissed at Andi calling an end to the night. Stupid, stupid thing to get annoyed at.
So I stormed off, drunk, unsteady on my feet. Outside Alyssa tried to catch up, but I wanted none of it. Somewhere in my drunken brain I thought to myself to go find a cab. I staggered into the street...Alyssa yelled out. I looked back, bright lights, boom...ouch. Next thing I knew, I'm in an ambulance. I was involved in a car accident, the paramedic said. My everything hurt. I tried to lift an arm, but the man gently held it and shook his head. My eyes got heavy...I blacked out.
I awoke the next day, stiff as hell. I had cuts, grazes, burns and bruises down my arms and legs. The pain meds, they were good shit. I even forgot my worries for a while, laying there in a drugged up stupor.
Alyssa was there the whole time. It's funny, I say I love her...but I don't think even I fully grasp how much she means to me. The look of concern in her bloodshot, tired eyes was so genuine. Her caring is just so warm. Her just being there almost made it all better all on its own. She waited as I went for scans. She talked to the doctor about my results. Without her there, I don't know what I would have done...
Anyway, turns out I had a concussion, a couple of popped ribs and a fractured left arm. Not so bad, all things considered. I got discharged last night. I'm going to go to Wrestlebowl tonight. I'll be loaded up on pain meds, but I'm not letting this ruin my chance to watch Chris, Melissa and others wrestle their butts off tonight...
The weird part was the outcry of support. Even people I don't know were wishing me well. Chris Night apologised...a few times. He had said he thought maybe I had thrown myself under a car on purpose. I felt crap, but not that crap and I quickly put that idea to rest. But honestly, it is partly his fault I drank myself into that state, but I can't bring myself to blame him...or Ana, for that matter, even though she was a major part too. Not that she'd care. There was no get well from her. Guess she wouldn't care even if I'd died.
I did get an apology from her about the interview though. A very public, "I'm writing this to save face" sort of apology. I didn't know what to say, so I told her it was ok. It wasn't...but I decided to just let it go.
Alex got up my ass about that, said I was forgiving her but nobody is willing to forgive him. I have never felt I needed to forgive him, he hasn't wronged me. He's in a bad place though. Weirdly he's started to confide me in. I still worry that he's only after sex, but I guess that's been forced off the table for definite now anyway, with my wrestling the car and all. He said he wanted to visit me at the hospital, but I got discharged before he could. Hopefully I'll see him today, but I'm not sure.
So yeah, that was my week. Hopefully the next one won't suck - or hurt - so much...
Friday 16th September
So it's been a while since I just sat down and really....wrote down how I felt about things. But today I feel decisively shitty, and I guess I hope that writing things down will somehow help. I'm so stupid. I've made so many mistakes, fucked so much stuff up..I just need a release.
So...where to start? Well, that interview with Ana has caused me no end of trouble. Actually, just showing any sign that I'm friendly with Alex seems to have been the catalyst for her disdain toward me. I guess it's not surprising that she doesn't believe me when I say I've never even seen him outside of a show. I've certainly never slept with him. Shit, I'm not shy about that stuff. I could list everyone she knows that I have slept with, but...I guess that wouldn't help my case.
Ironically, the interview itself then pissed Alex off. So that's nice. He says I buried him by not asking relevant questions. I guess he thought I'd interview Ana about him? I dunno.
Chris Night, too, got pissed. I think he's confusing me talking about the #1 draft pick being an outsider for me talking about him specifically. I've never doubted him, I know it's not his fault he got picked first. I talked to him a little about it. I still don't think it's right, but whatever. Ana made it clear how little my opinion meant, so it's not like what I think matters.
But it's not like that lessens how good Chris is. He's an amazing signing... I guess it's just another friendship I need to repair. This is becoming a habit this week. Speaking of friendships, Chris' girl, Mikayla, hardly made any effort to stick up for me either. She's meant to be my BFF...kinda doubting that right now. I saw my brother going at it with her, but decided not to step in.
Speaking of Ana..fuck, she's a condescending bitch. From the second she waltzed through the door, nose in the air like her shit doesn't stink, I knew it was going to be just a bad day. Worse, she acted like the interview was my idea or something. I thought it was her idea! Pretty sure Sienna set it up - and as for why, I have no idea. I didn't do my research? I had literally three hours to get to the fucking meet, set up and be ready for her.
And don't get me wrong, I know Ana's had a crappy week. That's not my fault though, and acting like I am something she stepped in is hardly the way to garner any level of sympathy.
Don't think she appreciated me pushing my points at times, either. Not from how she glared at me. Or maybe that's just how she is? I don't know. Either way it was uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll never have to sit near her ever again.
And hopefully the stupid Twitter shit will go away. I wish Alyssa or Kara would defend me more when people are treating me like shit. I guess they at least console me, but that doesn't stop it.
I just feel so boxed in right now. Taking crap on all sides, and why? All I've done is my job, not my fault people don't like what I ask. Shit, I don't even pick half my questions, the fans do. Not that anyone cares to ever understand that...
Sunday 18th September
Well, what a weekend. It all started with Chris Air's girl, Andi, asking his sister, Kara, Alyssa and myself out for a girl's night. We arrived at the club, and almost immediately lost Kara into the crowd. I knew I wasn't in the mood to be there, but I hoped that it would be better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
I remember ordering a few shots, then looking down and I was already several in. Alyssa asked me how many I'd had, and I lied...said I didn't know. I knew. She and Andi joined me for a couple, then dragged me off to dance. And I danced. I wasn't feeling it, but I faked it anyway. I soon returned to the bar though.
I get fuzzy from there. I remember Alyssa trying to get me to smile, and I just couldn't. She tried to hug me, but I shrugged it off. I remember feeling angry, but I can't remember why. Apparently I was pissed at Andi calling an end to the night. Stupid, stupid thing to get annoyed at.
So I stormed off, drunk, unsteady on my feet. Outside Alyssa tried to catch up, but I wanted none of it. Somewhere in my drunken brain I thought to myself to go find a cab. I staggered into the street...Alyssa yelled out. I looked back, bright lights, boom...ouch. Next thing I knew, I'm in an ambulance. I was involved in a car accident, the paramedic said. My everything hurt. I tried to lift an arm, but the man gently held it and shook his head. My eyes got heavy...I blacked out.
I awoke the next day, stiff as hell. I had cuts, grazes, burns and bruises down my arms and legs. The pain meds, they were good shit. I even forgot my worries for a while, laying there in a drugged up stupor.
Alyssa was there the whole time. It's funny, I say I love her...but I don't think even I fully grasp how much she means to me. The look of concern in her bloodshot, tired eyes was so genuine. Her caring is just so warm. Her just being there almost made it all better all on its own. She waited as I went for scans. She talked to the doctor about my results. Without her there, I don't know what I would have done...
Anyway, turns out I had a concussion, a couple of popped ribs and a fractured left arm. Not so bad, all things considered. I got discharged last night. I'm going to go to Wrestlebowl tonight. I'll be loaded up on pain meds, but I'm not letting this ruin my chance to watch Chris, Melissa and others wrestle their butts off tonight...
The weird part was the outcry of support. Even people I don't know were wishing me well. Chris Night apologised...a few times. He had said he thought maybe I had thrown myself under a car on purpose. I felt crap, but not that crap and I quickly put that idea to rest. But honestly, it is partly his fault I drank myself into that state, but I can't bring myself to blame him...or Ana, for that matter, even though she was a major part too. Not that she'd care. There was no get well from her. Guess she wouldn't care even if I'd died.
I did get an apology from her about the interview though. A very public, "I'm writing this to save face" sort of apology. I didn't know what to say, so I told her it was ok. It wasn't...but I decided to just let it go.
Alex got up my ass about that, said I was forgiving her but nobody is willing to forgive him. I have never felt I needed to forgive him, he hasn't wronged me. He's in a bad place though. Weirdly he's started to confide me in. I still worry that he's only after sex, but I guess that's been forced off the table for definite now anyway, with my wrestling the car and all. He said he wanted to visit me at the hospital, but I got discharged before he could. Hopefully I'll see him today, but I'm not sure.
So yeah, that was my week. Hopefully the next one won't suck - or hurt - so much...