Alright man, what I'm going to do is just tell you the things you need to work on.
In the diner, you say that this is On Camera. I was kind of confused when you had dialogue with Sunny, but then said "You hear me Shinjiro", but never giving a description on what he did when he said that. For example, you could've put that he looks at the camera and says that line. Same thing when you talked about Earl in that paragraph. All I'm saying here basically is to add some detail when you're in a setting like that, and you start to talk about your opponents like that when you're already in a conversation with Sunny.
I'll also add this to make things easier - when you're on camera, you have to act like you're on camera.
But what changes all of the above is that you have your manager Sunny do a lot of talking to the camera, which is great, but it also should have been Wright to do that in the beginning.
I can also feel that this is definitely a new character for you, but I can also see that you're not new to rping, which is a great thing.
I have to say I was disappointed that the RP sort of felt like it stopped abruptly. I was like, that's all? I wanted more bro! You definitely have an interesting character and I believe with a little bit more improvement, you'll be on your way winning some titles.
It was a decent promo, but still lacked content. It does have creativity, but I think you need to expand on that more. I'd also say really dig into this characters soul, have him create a story around his opponents and himself - the sky is the limit when it comes to writing promos - we want to see creativity and something we've never read before that will shock us and entertain us as readers.
You're definitely on the right track bro, so keep at it!
Henry Saxon: Crap, I may have lost the results. I'm on a device and as I was trying to make sure the coding was correct the device lost internet. I know of a way to recover it from google docs but I can't do that on a device. I may have to go to my job to get
Sept 17, 2018 8:25:56 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: on a PC as that is the only way I can go back in history. Unless soome one knows how to do that on a moblie device.
Sept 17, 2018 8:28:01 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Got to a PC but I lost the coding and new card so I'm going to recode it and post it. Then sleep, I'll redo the new card when I wake up
Sept 17, 2018 10:15:16 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: I tried adding the roster gfx for the segments and refs of each match but everytime I try I get the Blue Bear so results are posted with it. I'll add it ater when at work along with new card.
Sept 17, 2018 11:12:08 GMT -6
Earl Lockyer: just asking because this is a supershow is there a word limit on rp's
Sept 23, 2018 2:50:49 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Only one match has a word limit. Courtney Vs Rosanna Latoya Vs Ella Vs Nathalie Vs 3 Mystery. It is at 2,000
Sept 23, 2018 21:24:38 GMT -6
The Aloni Brothers: I didn't realize the deadline was up. -_-
Sept 29, 2018 12:34:03 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: No worries, it happens.
Sept 29, 2018 22:43:34 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Results still being worked on.
Sept 29, 2018 22:44:21 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Waiting on a segment, if I don't get it with in the hour I will post the results with out it. Everything else is done and coded.
Sept 30, 2018 15:25:19 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Card is posted. One or two more matches will be added later as well as GFX
Oct 2, 2018 11:46:28 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Last match has been added to the card.
Oct 2, 2018 23:20:13 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Promo threads will be posted in a few hours
Oct 4, 2018 17:50:40 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Working on the last two matches then have to code the whole show and it will be psoted
Oct 14, 2018 10:25:50 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Guys results are done but Google Docs wont let me remove it over to this site
Oct 14, 2018 16:25:42 GMT -6
Earl Lockyer: so are bio's going to be moved over to the new sight
Oct 14, 2018 19:09:30 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: Yes, everyone will need to move there bios over
Oct 15, 2018 4:41:19 GMT -6
Tad Ezra: Apologies to all, and to John Blade especially. Somehow I was unable to post the results with his segment, but it has been added to the show, so hopefully all will read it. My apologies again.
Oct 15, 2018 23:48:46 GMT -6
Henry Saxon: In the next 24 hours I will be moving NLW Bios over to SCW that agreed to come over. You have to at least make an account there ASAP please
Oct 21, 2018 17:02:31 GMT -6